Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Ceiling

Our garage ceiling is leaking under the upstairs bathroom. I know it's going to be a big fix.
Need stress relief for your problems?

The Sistine Chapel

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Guardians of Wisdom

I'm beginning to realize that librarians don't like people. In fact, I strongly suspect that most librarians devoutly wish that the hoi polloi who insist on checking out books would depart and leave them in peace to enjoy their perfectly organized shelving system. But, if pressed, they will patiently bear with the ugsome public. (As long as they can keep the self check out machines to avoid actual interaction with the philistines.)

Can you tell that I was involved in an altercation at the library the other day? For a while I have been mildly annoyed by the library signs that imply that we patrons, like the bronze chickens that for some mysterious reason are scattered about the library, have no idea what we're doing in a public building. "We Cannot Hear You Through the Glass. Please Go to the Counter for Assistance." "Please Do Not Pull Your Reciept Out Too Quickly." "Please Don't Check Out Any Books--We Hate Reshelving Them."

Despite taking a dim view of our general intelligence, librarians seem to think that there are a few evil geniuses among us. For example, to get back my lost library card I need an I.D. Some criminal mastermind might deduce that I lost my library card and then impersonate me to get it back. Really? Come on, people. The only reason I would be asking for my lost library card would be if I was the person that had lost it!

Stupid policies irk me. I complained to two different people, going as far to say I was getting a "TSA vibe" from them. I got my own back when the tight-lipped supervisor (How dare you question my stupid policy, you plebian worm!) told me that most people drove to the library and therefore had a driver's licence on them so it wasn't a big deal to show it. I think she missed the point. It's not that it's a hard policy to follow, it's a stupid policy to follow! Librarians are supposed to be smart!

And yet, like the bronze chickens, I enjoy hanging out at the library. I also enjoy checking things out from the library. So I humbly went back out to the car to get my I.D. Criminal activity successfully thwarted. Huzzah!

Monday, April 18, 2011

"Sylvester, or the Wicked Uncle"

When I'm not busy reading thrilling news stories about Kate Middleton's face on a jellybean, I like to pick up a Georgette Heyer novel. She writes smart, clean romances a la Jane Austin, set in the Regency Period. Yesterday Austin sent Sammy to get him some reading material for the bathroom, and she came back with "Sylvester, or the Wicked Uncle." He started to read it, because really he had no other choice, and ended up "caught in a book." This is a phrase I use to describe what happens when you start reading a book and can't stop. You neglect your duties and ignore your significant others and stay up way too late to finish it. Austin stayed up until 3:30 when he most likely remembered that our children wake up at 6 a.m. and he was scheduled to leave for St. George in four hours. Poor guy. I know he wanted to finish the book last night--he'll probably be trying to read and drive at the same time.

I usually find Georgette Heyer books at thrift stores since many are old and out of print, but recently Harlequin has picked them up and started republishing them. I am grateful more people are starting to appreciate them--but let's be honest, the name Harlequin does give them a lurid air. Librarians have started moving them from the fiction section to the romance section in the library, which is kind of an embarassing section to be getting books from. Also, Harlequin has best-selling authors write forewords for Heyer's books, which consist of a recap of the whole book. Way to ruin the story! Don't read the forewords if you find newer editions of her books.

"The Grand Sophy" is still my favorite of her novels, but "Sylvester" is quite the hilarious read as well. If you get tired of reading about famous people's faces being found in weird places, brave the romance section and take a chance on Georgette Heyer.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Family Reunion Fun

This year my mom's family is doing a handcart trek in Wyoming for their reunion. In a culture where people like to bring up cool stories about their pioneer ancestry, perhaps there is a certain cachet to reinacting the Martin Handcart Company's well-known tale of tragedy, starvation, and exposure. But for a family reunion? Please can't we bond over a beach barbeque instead of grueling hardship for once? Please?

Monday, April 11, 2011

A Day Out for the Ladies

The other day I got to hang out with 2 of my favorite cousins, KR and Moe. Though in the past we have participated in various exploits such as secret-fort building, skinny-dipping, and skydiving, we decided to tone it down a bit and wander around the local expo center signing up for as many free things and prize drawings as humanly possible. (And yet we managed not to win anything...)

A Few of My Favorite Things:

KR angering people by not buying their stuff. First was the ill-mannered blonde hairdresser who only straightened half of KR's hair because she wouldn't buy a $125 hair straightener. Also the massage man who (jokingly?) threatened to call security after KR likened his massage tool to a sander. (Well it did look like one.) And let's not forget the eyeliner lady who was giving out "free samples" which turned out to be her drawing on KR's arm with various colors of eyeliner. She looked a bit miffed when KR wouldn't buy her $30 eyeliner.

Free facials by a beauty school set up on-site. Mine involved an LED light being run over my face and various lotions with fancy environmental names being applied after that.

The Trendy Announcer who announced that "Mandy has been coming to the What a Women Wants Show for 38 years and has never won anything, so today she gets an Ambush Makeover!" After we all looked at Mandy and realized that she was only around 30 years old, Ms. Trendy Announcer realized her gaffe and started making up an elaborate story about how "Mandy" was a 300-year-old vampire and didn't look like she could possibly be over thirty, ha ha, etc. Deliciously awkward.

Catching up on gossip.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Ugliest Phone

According to this article, I have one of the 13 ugliest phones out there. (I own the Kin on the right) I admit, the touch screen/keyboard thing is awkward, it isn't very intuitive to use, and it sucks battery like no one's business. But come on! It folds up into a cute little square! Little=cute. Everybody knows that.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Decorating Dilemma

Someone out there help me....I want to decorate Sammy's room but I'm not sure what to do with it. It gets super cold when it's cold outside and super warm when the sun's out. So what color to paint it? You can't tell from the pics but it's a peachy brown right now. I want it to be girly but not painted pink. Maybe yellow with lots of white, lacy, pearly accessories. Following are some pics. Cool alcove... Keeping white dresser... Bed won't fit where crib is... Closet in way of putting bed there...
" I'm cute, hold me!!!"

I've measured the room and I'm not sure where to put a bed. A twin bed will not fit down in the alcove or where the crib is. Sammy and Felicity will be sharing this room for a while, so perhaps a bunk bed or a trundle turned parallel to the window? I found someone who makes bed frames for cheaper than you can buy them, so I could customize it pretty easily.

I'm keeping the little white dresser, but the changing table can go out of the room since I don't use it much upstairs. I want this chandelier and maybe curtains for the alcove to create a little secret area.

So, any suggestions? Want to come to my house?

Monday, April 4, 2011

Spa Time With Hubby

We just moved a mountain of boxes and I decided it was time to use our spa certificate for a couples massage to soothe our aching muscles! When I called to set up the appointment, I learned that "Stephen and Deana" would be giving us our massages. Hmm, that sounds like a guy and a girl. I wonder if I should tell Austin. I wonder who should have the guy and who should have the girl. ??? Well, this will only be weird if we make it weird.

The thing about guy massage therapists, (masseurs? masseuses? We'll stick with massage therapist.) is that one tends to wonder what their motives were for going to massage school and becoming massage therapists. I know it's probably unfair to them, since we don't really think about such things with female massage therapists. But really.... Also, one tends to wonder strange things about male massage therapists as they give therapy to your back, such as, I wonder if he shaves his arm hair off?

Anyway, I digress. When we got there, after waiting for several minutes next to the most bored looking six-year-old boy I've ever seen, our massage therapists came to get us and "Stephen" introduced himself as my massage therapist and "Deana" introduced herself as Austin's. One potentially awkward choice avoided. It was relaxing, we both enjoyed it. I think we should go to therapy more often.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Kraken Child

This is my beautiful, sweet, mellow baby who likes to smile and giggle all day long, just hang out with the rest of the family, and even fall asleep for Mom in her car seat every once in a while.

Recently though, whenever she has a poopy diaper or is ready for a nap, she turns into KRAKEN CHILD and starts emitting a sound which I can only compare to what I *imagine* the shrieks of a dying kraken might sound like.


Total silence for a few seconds.


We got a few good glares out of the librarians yesterday.