Dull Winter Days

The morning started out so-so. On one hand, I got to spend lots of time playing games and reading books with Sammy while Cici was napping. On the other hand, I accidentally snapped off a vital plastic piece of the dishwasher while unloading it. Then things went downhill. Cici woke up and started crying, then Sammy started crying too: "Nooo Mom, don't get her!" Over and over. Then she followed me from room to room as I changed a poopy diaper, tidied up a few things, and got lunch ready, all the while sobbing, "I didn't want you to get her!" (Me: "Why didn't you want me to get her?" Sam: "I know she's cute, but I don't like her hair, or her feet, or her shirt, or all of her!") Argh. Crying kids are the worst.

Now most days, I am fully aware that I have the best job in the world. Still, there are some dull winter days when I grow nostalgic for the glamorous days before I got married, when I trotted around campus tutoring adoring freshmen, speaking brilliantly at conferences, and keeping my eyes peeled for that cute boy that could be right around the next corner. Of course, our minds polish the past, making  our memories glow brighter than the reality ever was. And yet, these 13 seconds sum up exactly what I'm feeling today. (Thanks, Kellie)

There's No Place Like Gnome

I mean, home. Sorry, I just had to use this picture of our cute little Travelocity gnome. Our Costco gnome got stolen from the yard of our Montana home...or did he leave for a gnome convention somewhere? We'll never know.

So I was really excited about grad school but I never felt peaceful about it. You know when you feel good about something and everything just comes together? Well it wasn't happening. Which is sad, because I really wanted to feel good about it--it makes so much sense to go to grad school now. I also explored my other options, such as online school, night school, part-time school, community college, etc. Not happening. I guess my babies need me. Not Cool Degree Mom, but just plain old Awesome Mom.

Was there a point to all this soul-searching anguish that I went through? I think so. I was planning on putting all this work, energy, and time into getting ready for grad school and then dominating it once I got in. Do I put even a fifth of that effort into nurturing and teaching my kids and making my home a house of God? Sadly, no. But now that I've realized that I can do better I can work on it. I kept hearing all these quotes that applied to my situation (God: Helloooo?) but this one from Women's Conference was one of my favorites:

"Sister Beck also said that women often ask her questions about whether to work outside the home. In many places, she pointed out, if women don’t work, they don’t eat. So that question may be the wrong one. A more appropriate question, she said, is this: 'Am I aligned with the Lord’s vision of me and what He needs me to become?'"

Catch the vision, Noni. Live up to your potential. Be more creative in the ways you find fulfillment as a person and a mother.

Well, I've managed to work in a picture of a gnome, pep-talked myself, and put words in God's mouth. Another successful blog post.

The Wake Up Call

Through a vague haze of sleep I dimly sensed a dark presence hovering silently next to our bed. "Austin!" I nudged my husband. A strangled groan was my only response; I resigned myself to my fate. "Come on, Sammy, let's go back to bed." 4:30 a.m. is just a bit too early to let your children stay up.

Yesterday I came up with the ingenious idea of plugging Christmas lights into a timer in Sammy's room and telling her she couldn't get up unless the lights were on. It worked out pretty well this morning. Yes, I was feeling pretty crafty until I read my sister's blog.... making homemade chocolates with all the neighbor kids, treasure hunts with the family, crafts and murals and field trips with the kids--how can I compete? The answer is, I can't. I'm not getting enough sleep at night, I'm lazy, and I think I lost my imagination somewhere around age 12.

I can see it now--the family reunion where my kids realize that they got the boring parents. "Can we go live with Aunty Anna?" "No! Now go watch some tv or something."

On a more serious note, I am a bit worried about having lost my imagination, so I'm working on the book again. Just to prove that I still can tell a story.