Nurture Shock

A friend of mine recommended this book a while ago, and I finally read it. I thought it was really interesting, and wanted to pass the recommendation on to you if you haven't read it yet.

Things I found interesting:


-Stop telling kids not to tattle. What we really mean is "try to work it out amongst yourselves first," but for every 1 time a kid comes to us, he/she has tried to work it out 14 other times, so what the kid really hears is "don't come to me with your problems." Accordingly, your kids start withholding information from you.

-Teenagers lie a lot. The parents who got lied to the least were those with few but consistent rules that had reasons behind them. Also, if your teenager is arguing with you that is a good thing. That means he/she still believes you have authority to set rules. They are fighting over the rules, but not the authority of the parents to set the rules. To an adolescent, lying is the opposite of arguing. If your teenager is not arguing to you, they are lying to you a lot and sneaking around behind your back. (That's what I got, anyway). Also, teenagers are really bad at assessing risk but really afraid of being embarrassed. It seems that as a parent you could exploit that pretty easily...

-If we try to create a race-free, color-blind vacuum for our kids, they draw their own conclusions about race, many of which would be appalling to us. Racial segregation and bias is not just taught, but a natural tendency of human beings, so we need to talk openly about inter-racial friendships and such.

-The more educational media the children watched, the more relationally aggressive they were. Yes, Arthur is more dangerous for children than Power Rangers. I really have to stop judging some of the moms I know now. Did you know that 96% of all children's programming includes verbal insults and put-downs, averaging 7.7 put-downs per half-hour episode? Watching TV makes your kids more aggressive...that was an easy one, but there was a lot of info about kids and aggression that was very interesting.

-It's good for your kids to see you argue and resolve the argument. They need to see how to resolve conflict.

-How to teach your child to talk more. (Of special interest to me with an 18-month-old.) Basically, respond to their vocalizations more, but you really have to read the section.

-Gratitude journals make you feel happier, unless you're a kid.

-Cici's favorite way of sleeping in her crib, (not actually in the book).